I loathe those idiotic "natural male enhancement" product ads. I just want to take a bat to him, and the ad agency that made the ads.

By the way, in The Buzz, you mention getting a shaving brush. I don't approve of shaving brushes, as they are tradionally made from the tails of badgers.

Children in ads are played by adults skilled in sounding like children, at least they were in the 60s ; Jean Shepherd commented on the fact, adding that they don't sound like children actually.

It plays on your expecting it to be a child.

I gather from child labor laws, or that adults are easier to work with.

So listen with sounding-like-a-fake-child ears, and see if it sounds correct.

You managed to hit a subject that I've been meaning to make a post about for a while. I rarely watch TV (and DVR most of what I do watch to skip the ads,) but I do listen to the radio frequently in the car. Since I generally have a low tolerance for inanity, there are quite a few radio ads which have annoyed me. I have made a list of some of these, along with descriptions of why this is the case, but since my response ended up being too long to post here I went ahead and posted it over on my Blog:

Radio Ad Nauseam

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The Sledgehammer: Version 2.0 - The Internet's 17th most popular source for abandoned gas station photos since 2007!

I generally listen to NYC radio stations, so I don't know if this is a local ad, or not.

"More Ovaltine, please!"

Hate it. It's usually a couple of moms talking about how the kids are coming home soon, and they better whip up a fresh batch of Ovaltine. One ad has the two gals sitting together, and one mentions how she's just made some "Rich, Chocolate-y Ovaltine," but it's not for the kids--"It's for us!"

I haven't met too many grown-ups who drink Ovaltine; maybe she mixes some Bailey's Irish Cream into the mug. That might do the trick.

The ads are poorly written, and grate on the ears. Please, someone at the Ovaltine ad agency--write some better copy!

The Ovaltine ad was already rewritten. For many decades, the kid whined "More Ovaltine, Mom" while every adult who heard it ground his teeth and said "Why doesn't that brat say 'Please'?"

C'mon - there are thousands of memorable commercials. I soaked them up from the 60's to the 80's (about the time I learned to timeshift and tune them out)

A few golden oldies:

"Gee Mrs Burke, I thought you were Dale"
"You're soaking in it"
"US Tareyton Smokers would rather fight than switch"
"I'm Debbie - Fly Me"
"Hi Guy" (guy in medicine chest)
"Builds Strong Bodies Twelve Ways"
"Atsa Some Spicy Meatball"
"Plop Plop Fizz Fizz"
"Remember, Only YOU can Prevent Forest Fires"
"They're GRRREAT!"
"Let Hertz Put YOU in The Driver's Seat"
"You'll Wonder Where the Yellow Went"
"Northwest Orient (Bongg) Air-lines"
"From the Land Of Sky-Blue Waters"
"I'm-a Chiquita Banana and I'm Here to Say..."
"Please don't squeeze the Charmin!"
"We are the men of Texaco/We work from Maine to Mexico"

"Meet the Swinger, New Polaroid Swinger.
Something something something ending with "ive",
it's only 19 dollars and 95."

And Lilek's favorite demented Brobdingnagian vegetable fancier:

"Good things from the Garden,
Garden in the Valley,
Valley of the Jolly (Ho, Ho, Ho) Green Giant"

Most obnoxious - for me it is probably a tossup between the old Doublemint twin ads and "I'm a Pepper", since they both had that lingering "earwig" quality.

What's worse is when they're on the radio and you've got your children in the car. There's only one correct solution - turn the radio off.

That horrid little animated character on the toenail fungus commercials could give me nightmares, if I let myself think about it too much. "Digger the Dermatophyte" is its name, and I can't bear it. I usually leave the room when those commercials come on.

I agree with ScotttheBadger about Smilin' Bob, too--he needs to be gone. The worst of all those commercials, I think, is the Christmas party one, where all of those women are simpering over him. It's truly awful.

Bucky Beaver for Ipana toothpaste has to be the most memorable, if you go back that far.

Captain Video from the late 40s (see youtube) has the most hopeless ads. Send in two $.05 power bar wrappers (or one $.10 size wrapper) and get a Captain Video identification ring like all the Video Rangers wear.

That was before wearing you down was the preferred ad strategy.

I have to admit I did not know who Smilin' Bob is - I hardly ever subject myself to commerials any more - but upon Googling, I discover that Smilin' Bob is in the hot seat. His company is under federal indictment for fraud. Here is a current Cincinnati News-Enquirer story on the case. I think they can all expect a stiff sentence.

I hate those Detrol commercials that have women in various situations suddenly needing the services of a commode.

"Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now!"

Invariably, after seeing the darn thing, I am the one who has to "go" - it's not exactly subliminal advertising.

(Deep dark secret: I think those "Bob" commercials are hilarious!)

That's "Power House" candy bars, not "Power Bars" (wrong decade). I don't remember anyhting that old, and I bet I'm older than you.

I know the ads James is speaking of, since I listen to the same station. I have no doubt whatever that the kids on these ads are real kids. The whole schtick of the pro-life group that sponsors them is to use pictures of kids on billboards and the voices of kids on the radio. I think it would be impossible for any adult, even the least talented, to purposely recite the copy as badly as these kids do.

Oddly, though, it's been my impression that the scripts stay the same, but it's the kids' voices that change. Just the opposite of James' impression.

Which means I must be wrong.

Need I say more?

My least favorite radio commercials are the ones by Shane Co... the guy's voice is just grating - love the jewelry, but can't stand the announcer.

Pet peeve: ANY commercial, especially on radio, that involves a ringing telephone.
In the words of the immortal Jimmy Hatlo, "There Oughta be a Law."

Some of my favorite adds of that era.

Wramblin' Wreck

My least favorite ads are car commercials. I have zero interest in cars. So salt-of-the-earth cowboys throwing their saddles in the back of their pick-ups, wealthy forty-year-olds purring about being turned on by their Cadillacs, soccer moms being reassured by German engineering, zoom zoom zooming--I don't care, I hate them all.

On the radio in the morning, my least favorite ads are for a local (Minnesota) communications company. The company is family owned, and I'm sure they're lovely people with happy employees. But the ads sound Dad the company president wrote them, after he read in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People or The Art of War or Machiavelli or somewhere that repeating the same phrase 20 or 30 times in every ad is a great idea. Because it doesn't sound at all like you think your potential customers are children who don't speak English as a first language.

Mentos: Bergmann-surreal plotlines with High School Musical cinematography.

Cialis and Viagra: borderline bad taste at best. (Any day now, I expect one of them to start using Muddy Waters' "Got My Mojo Workin'" as a music bed.)

There was a Chrysler Concord commercial a few years back in which a mother essentially told her 10-year old girl that mom and dad got jiggy in the car's back seat and produced a baby brother. I will never buy a Chrysler product ever again.

But I LOVED the Noid the Annoy Dominoe's commercials. Maybe if they bring him back I would order Domino's pizza.. probably not though.

I also hate the Shane's Company and the Stupid Wedding Day Diamond commercials on the radio. I change the station every time either of those come on.

They're invariably awful. The Ovaltine kids set my teeth on edge.
But worse than that lately is one of the local car dealers. They're hawking their loans to woefully under-qualified borrowers with some painfully sincere man saying that only the loan officer will know their details and everybody will treat them just the same as a 4-star general or bank president. And the capper, when he sounds on the verge of tears is, "If you're a good, honest, person who just needs a break," they can help.
It's nauseating.

Does anyone actually think that a kid (or worse yet, a parent) would use that word order?

The worst radio commercials for me, since I only listen to the radio in the car, are ones that feature car horns, sirens or squealing brakes. I think ads like that are literally dangerous.

The local radio station carries ads for Trademart Furniture that just annoy. It features a woman who leaves messages on her friend’s answering machine about how great the furniture is, and isn’t it neat how the delivery guys take their shoes off, and how she’s got to go ‘cause Bob’s home and she needs to fetch his slippers and make him dinner. Absolutely grating.

Pretty much any commercial with the nuclear family stereotypes are obnoxious. Mom’s the wise, all-knowing, perfect home manager, Dad’s a dolt who shouldn’t be left alone with his own shadow, much less in charge of the kids or any household chores, and the kids are food-grubbing slobs coming in from baseball practice. If anything, these commercials make me NOT want to buy their cleaners/snacks/paper towels.

Sorry, for the product that Smilin' Bob is selling, I don't think it could have been done better. At least they are funny, in a demented sort of way.

As far as Viagra and that ilk, well, sorry - just don't advertise. Trust me, people who need you will find you. I do, however, think the Viagra folks missed a bet with NASCAR when they didn't insist that they refer to Mark Martin's car as "The Bonermobile".

Nobody's mentioned Billy Mays for Oxy-Clean? Or even "Ring around the collar?"

If the Head-On people ever come out with a hemorrhoid treatment, I will be turning off all radio and TV forever!

Hesitant to say this, but the only positive thing that came from 9/11 was that there were NO commercials on radio or TV for about two weeks. Following that, I noticed that the ad that I (and many others, which I realized after mentioning it) absolutely loathed had - thankfully - disappeared, never to be heard from again.

I believe the ad was trying to sell an internet provider, but I could be wrong. What I do remember is that I couldn't reach for the remote fast enough. A rerun of "Facts of Life" was preferable to this ad. There was absolutely no voice-over - only the incessant sound of a computer keyboard, tap tap tapping for 60 seconds.

After spending 40+ hours/week in front of a computer (and listening to the tap tap tapping of the keyboards of so many others in the cube farm), I really have no desire to listen to this as I am trying to relax with an "Osbourne's" marathon. I recall that I would literally run from one room to the other to find the remote ("Push a button - ANY button") to get that ad off the air.

As I said - after bringing this up to numerous friends and co-workers, I found that I was not the only one with such despection for that ad.

As for classics: There's the "1984" ad from Apple. Kind of hard to believe that we're only 3 days away from the 24th anniversary of the birth of Macintosh.

Here’s what happens when you put a beautiful blonde in front of Donny Most and Robbie Benson.

"You Oughta Get A Slinky. Under a dollar!!!"

"One of the Best Buys On the Street". For only $2,625.

"Hello, Linda!!!"

"See the USA in Your Chevrolet"

“How Many Licks Does It Take…?”

“Keep America Beautiful”

And, who can forget the Late, Great Dick Wilson?”It’s Bigger!!!”?

Any commercial that features children making the case for any political or social cause - be it the environment, health care, poverty, you name it. Why would I care what children think about such things? I have nothing against children, but they certainly have no intelligence or wisdom regarding public policy.

I assume that the groups that use children to make their pitches think I will be touched by the emotional tugging of my heartstrings or something equally ridiculous. Their credibity is at that point less than zero. I change the channel.

that features kids, especially babies, where the product isn't for kids or babies (such as diaper ads). I loathe the Michelin tire ads that have a baby in the tire; the implication being that if you don't buy their tires you must want your baby to die in a horrible traffic accident.

I avoid that brand just because of the ad.

When we lived in Alaska, Alaska Airlines was our bus ride to the Lower 48. It was so full of families with small, screaming children that they didn't even bother with pre-boarding for families. But they had the GREATEST AD EVER.

I've searched in vain for it online. The story line is about how other airlines are a little lax with the interior maintenance of their planes, and that you should fly Alaska Airlines instead. It shows a guy in khaki pants in the lav, trying to wash his hands. There is a rattling sound and other "broken stuff" sound effects followed by the sound of water spraying. It cuts to a picture of him looking into the mirror w/eyes large, then looking down at a circular area of wetness dead center in his groinal region. I always laughed until my sides ached, and if I ever find it, I'm going to burn it to DVD. It's as funny as the part in Galaxy Quest when they are taking the starship out of space dock, screeching for an eternity along the sides.

I actually agree with the Smilin' Bob commercials being funny, especially the one where he was in negoatiations with the Japanese. They don't show it any more. Cialis and Viagra ads are muted as quickly as I can find the remote.

I also want to hurl when I see the toenail guy. I can't even look at it. And the Mucinex green snot guys - yecchhh!

In fact, I think most of the commercials from the drug companies should go. If you really listen to the side effects, you would truly prefer your condition, whatever it is.

It's the commercial for Fidelity (a financial company). The song for it is "Dancing in the Moonlight" and I love that song. In about 30 seconds the ad takes you through this woman's life from college to career, to marriage, all the way on to retirement - in which she is sitting pretty thanks to Fidelity.

It's the song that catches my attention though.

Couldn't find the Alaska Airlines Urinator, but I was able to locate the Chicken Fare Generator. I'm sure NWA has an entire chicken farm working exclusively on their upcoming summer fares.

To me, the most annoying thing about the Ovaltine radio ads is that the kids say everything in complete unison ("Ovaltine? Oh, boy!" etc.). Nobody would actually do that in real life.

Re the Slinky ad--does anyone else remember the great parody of that ad on Ren and Stimpy a while back? That's right--it's Log! (They aped the song and everything, starting about halfway through.)

I don't watch much TV (not a snob ... I only get 3 channels out here in the middle of nowhere), but I do turn it on when I wake up in the dead of night (ferocious insomniac). Every other ad is a nubile vixen demurely chirping that "bars are not for her." Instead, she likes the "flirty fun" of ::camera shot of tart with phone, slowly panning down to pause on ample and nearly-bare bosom:: "of SmutYak!" (or whatever it's called).

I know I'm a hopeless prude completely out of step with the times, but whenever I see those ads I think, "My God. How must her parents feel."

The ones that have stuck with me for years and the ones with jingles.

Farfel the dog: "N E S T L E S Nestles makes the very best Choooooclate (snap)"

"L/S/M/F/T means Lucky Strikes Make Fine Tobacco" (dating myself)

Yes kids, it used to be legal to advertise tobacco on the TV and radio. Back in the days when adults were expected to act like adults.

One commercial that I will forever love was never shown in the U.S. It was a Ovaltine commercial in Thailand in the 1960's. A pedicab driver drinks a glass of Ovaltine and pedals his cab to Pattaya (a beach resort) and plunges in the water. The last line was "Ovaltine deeteesoot" which means that it is very good. It was a standing joke between my wife (Thai) and myself (not Thai) that when I went to get clothes I wanted a deetee suit. (you had to be there)

Smiling Bob is hilarious. I absolutely love the commercials. How many synonyms for "large" can they get in there.

I am a conservative but absolutely hate ANY political commercial. I always feel that I am being patronized no matter who the commercial is for, and I'm right.

Worst: Those "global warming" commercials with the kid that tells you that it's all your fault and you need to do something to save "her" world. Hey kid, I was here first. You can have whatever I feel like leaving you. Quit whining. Goes for just about any environmental commercial. More manipulative than even the political commercials.

Being an Internet junkie I don't have to see many commercials anymore. So they don't bother me.

The worst TV spot in circulation now has to be the Jeep Liberty ad with the CGI animals in the back seat singing along with the driver. A cute concept, except for the song they chose: "Rock Me Gently". Ugh. I can't reach for the mute button on the remote fast enough.

But at 46, I too wonder how her parents and siblings must feel. I guess it's because she is of an age where she could be my daughter. I feel pity for the tartlet,though, because someday she is gonna grow up, and think about that that minute's bad judgement as a kid.

As to your having only 3 channels. and nothing to watch, I have 64 channels on my cable, and there is often nothing to watch.

I'm sure there's some cross-readership between here and there, but Dave Barry points out in his blog that there is one more holiday today besides MLK Day and National Hugging Day: It's also Squirrel Appreciation Day. (I'm guessing there's not much cross-celebration there.)

Gotta give it up for Smilin Bob. That dude...oh man, that's the man I wish I could be. I always found it strange his wife seemed about 20 years older then him. But hey, Bob likes him some MILF action. I can dig it.

The Capitol One Vikings were also, as the kids say, f***ing METAL!

Worst ad ever? Christ, so I'm watching Monster Quest this morning on History and this Lionel Trains ad comes up advertising a piggy bank. It was some of the strangest and most bizarre sh*t I ever saw.

Here...

http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=lionel+coin+bank&search=Search

The video qualities suck but I think that should help.

Best one?

It's this fantastic Nutrigrain commercial I only ever saw once or twice on TV but is so fantasically awesomelly bizarre it's sublime.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6mAb3As6SU

Notice the black guy near the beginning pondering a pair of red lace thong panties. Mild profanity is used once so I think it quickly got banned because of it. I don't know who came up with this ad but they were smokin some primo sh*t when they did.

It's okay folks, we're allowed to name names...
I'm a Talk Radio junkie and many of the ads on the Patriot are infuriatingly boring or infuriatingly annoying...
Teeth grating boring would be: "Hi, I'm Bob from the White Bear Lake Super Store and I have terminal depression that prevents me from sounding other than heavily medicated as I drone on and on and on and on about how full my lots are and how we got a great deal lastmonthandcomeondownzzzzzzzzz....."

Ovaltine would definitely qualify as one the terminally annoying.
How about the telephone ad where the kid was lying about being at the mall and talking to her mother on the phone which was forwarded to her mother's cell phone as she watched her daughter lie to her... Yeah. That's the ticket. That reeeeally makes me want to purchase their product... ?
It's the absolute criminality or the absolute fake insouciant stupidity that makes me either swear to never ever buy that product or simply turn the radio off, fast!
(How about the child molester "Hi, my name is Johnny and I'm 13, how about you?" who was writing online as an ad for Be Safe Online. That ad sooo creeped me out and I was determined never to buy Be Safe. I actually wrote to 1280 to tell them to pull it...)

Okay, the words to the Swinger (Polaroid) commercial were: "It's more than a camera, it's almost alive, it's only nineteen dollars, and ninety-five." I wonder how much my Swinger would go for on Ebay - considering that they haven't made the film for it in a few decades.

Favorite commercials: Sweet Dreams are Made of This - For Nestle's White Chocolate in the mid-80s in which they channeled Maxfield Parrish. Had nothing to do with chocolate, but damn... nice commercial.

And those weird Levi's commercials from the late 70s were pretty damn cool also.

I've spent the past 2 hours looking for a video, mp3 or wav. for the commerical with Farfel singing the Nestles chocolate jingle... not the Christmas one...

I'll be happy to look at any links posted in response to my post.