I've recently stopped receiving any spam -- in the two weeks or so since I've noticed the difference, I haven't seen a single one. I don't know whether Earthlink has stepped up its filtering to better compete with gmail, or whether Mailwasher is actually working (in spite of being buggy in other ways.) Whatever the cause, it's a surprising but welcome respite.

I ate three chocolate chip cookies and two donuts today (it's still Sunday in these parts, or it was until fifteen minutes ago) so I guess I got a leg up on Sugar Cookie day. (I also ate one artichoke, just to, you know, balance the scales.)

Snake pit. It's not elaborate or Goldbergesque, but sends the right message, I think.

Alternate suggestion: inject them with a fatal overdose of whatever they were trying to sell.

I got this spam from "Support Team Robot":

Dear Customer,

Support Team Robot

The "abnormal activity" must have been those off-world Bleat links. I bet STR recommends installing [this patch] to turn my laptop into another spam-forwarding drone. Hangin's too good for 'em! An electro-magnetic burst from Pikachu ought to do the trick.

I'm not 100% sure what spammers deserve.
I know I'd like to see them share a cell with only Paris Hilton to talk to for the rest of their natural born lives.

For all spammers, regardless of content, here's what I propose:

First, for every one e-mail they send, they should receive 100 e-mails in their inbox.

Second, each e-mail should be disguised to come from someone they know, such as friends or family members.

Third, the e-mail subject lines shall be those which make the person want to open it. For example, if it's from a friend, the subject should say something like "let's go for drinks tonight."

Fourth, every single e-mail shall consist of one or more of the following either as an attachment, or embedded in the e-mail that will be activated when the e-mail is opened: spyware, adware, trojan, worm, or any kind of virus that will do severe damage to the hard drive, floppy drive, CD-ROM drive, this-chair's-too-soft-drive, this-bed's-just-right-drive, this-porridge-is-too-hot-drive, let's-all-go-for-a-walk-drive, and the somebody's-been-sleeping-in-my-bed-drive. No amount of antivirus or Internet security suite program (Norton, McAffee) will clean their computer. Spybot Search & Destroy and Ad-Aware will completely ignore all spywares, spamwares, adwares, teddybears, and their underwears, and there can even be a virus embedded in one of those e-mails that actually uninstalls all of those programs, leaving their computer more vulnerable. All other viruses will uninstall various Windows components, until Windows itself is completely gone. Finally, have a virus that will never be removed, and whenever they try to reinstall Windows, they encounter some error telling them that computer is not compatible for Windows.

If they're using Linux or Ubuntu, the viruses can attack those as well.

I had posted this in another blog in our local newspaper about why spammers often screw up the subject line like they do, with "v!@gr@" instead of "Viagra": It's to fool any spam blocking software or email filters you have set up. When most people set up spam or junk e-mail filters for their e-mail accounts, they usually program the filters to block or delete messages with the subject line "Viagra", "Cialis", "Sex", or any other subject, as if a normal person would spell it. However, this is the flaw with several filters. The filter will block the message as long as the subject line's content matches the filter's content. But, if the subject line reads "Fr33 V!agra", the message ends up going through.

Therefore, in order to block every single spam selling V!@gr@, you have to think like a spammer, and set the filter to look for it in any way possible. This may include spacing the characters, adding other symbols (ex. V$I$A$G$R$A), so on and so forth. You probably won't be able to think of every single combination, but if you can get at least 20 combinations down, you're off to a good start.

Some ISP-based e-mail filters (AT&T, Charter, Earthlink, etc.) may already have it programmed, but even they can overlook some variables.

You wrote: "I hope we can find the ISP responsible for this onslaught ... "
I don't get it either. But surely (I know, don't call you Shirley) IT guys can not only identify the ISP but go to their door (someone somewhere has a door) and make them stop? In Canada, we're developing a "do not call" list/law for telemarketers so maybe one can be invented for spam. It shouldn't be criminal but there should be stiff civil sanctions. Anyway.

Last year I came to the conclusion that we needed a superhero to combat the problem.

For reasons I can't fathom, DC and Marvel haven't gotten back to me yet on the idea. Any day now. I'm, just sure of it.

==================================
Check out my webcomic, if you're so inclined.

apt punishment for (crud)ware suppliers, espammers, and the like: Make them organize the televised debates for political candidates.

makes herding cats look easy.

make them get all the democrats on Fox, and all the republicans on CNN. take REAL questions from the audience. sitting on dunk tank mechanisms. with Gallagher as the moderator of the debate.

that'll teach 'em, trying to get through the layers of naysayers to get those agreements in stone.

or harvest the reply email addresses out of the (crud)ware, and forward everybody else's spam to those fiends.

I shudder when I hear folks suggesting the use of violence against spammers.

That is why I firmly believe there should be a stiff and mandatory five dollar fine levied against anyone who performs any act of physical violence that renders a spammer incapable of spamming.

And, the fine should be doubled if it results in the permanent loss of spamming ability.

Drainyer A'Counts
Scamtown, Nigeria

By Gadfrey, sir! Did someone mention canned meats?

Frankly, I blame Minnesota for this. Someone needs to do a little research to determine which Minnesota (or Minnesota-employed) food scientist is responsible!

Ah, how I miss Jimmy Underwood, heir to the deviled ham fortune!

Everyday I get a digest of the spam blocked at my ISP, just to make sure that no real mail is blocked.
It's usually the same old pre$cription come-ons combined with Trojan horses.
Yesterday's, however, contained a new twist on the 419/Nigerian scam. The entire "Dear sir, I have $70 trillion USD to give you if only you'd send me your bank account info" letter was in the subject line. I had to admire them for finding a way to make sure that the spam got to me even if the email was blocked. Say what you will about these guys, but they've got chutzpah.

I'm for spray-painting their faces orange and leaving them, unarmed and with no special outdoor gear, 50 miles from Barrow, AK in September or October.

Either that or every licensed hunter gets one free shot at each offender per year.

...I should know, I work for one. One of my responsibilities to to watch for spam complaints to roll in and notify the offenders that once again they shouldn't have clicked on that spam and installed that trojan... or visited that *ahem* interesting website...

If it weren't so serious it would be funny how mortified little old ladies (of both sexes) can get over it...

I'm with Shamus, we need a Superhero. But I'd settle for an international "Do Not Spam" list.

Guilty spammers should have to submit to the Ludovico technique of aversion therapy. Sew their eyes open and force them to watch -for days at a stretch- clowns gorging themselves with Spam... or something equally horrific.
~Fae
--------------
-:¦:- Bling Blog -:¦:-

Eh, Rube Goldbergesque contraptions would have insufficient Luddite righteousness. I suggest the Blood Eagle.

I don't have any ideas about possible punishments for spammers, but I do get some really strange spam. Once or twice a week I get an email that appears to contain a regular block of text, but it's actually a bunch of words set up to look like a real message. I'm sure it comes from some random text generator, but some of them are really bizarre. I wish I had an example to post, but I don't keep them in my inbox for very long because I'm afraid they'll dump a virus or worm or something. Just darned odd.

suitable for these spammers could be similar to this Rube Goldberg punishment dished to Saddam Hussein.

I've never had a problem with spam on my computer, but somehow I managed to get spam on my cell phone. I'd get these ridiculous text messages full of misspelled crap and web addresses. What's worse, any text I get costs money. GAAAAAH!!! The only one I really remember is one that said MIDGET SEX!! somewhere amongst the gibberish. WTF??

My dad runs his own internet business, so he has to deal with spam all the time. He's all for violent and gruesome measures. ^^;

--
Obligatory link to my webpage! C'mooon... You know you wanna see my bad anime art.

How about an ALMOST fatal overdose instead? Once they're dead, we cant have any more fun with them.

I'm sorry, I know no one wants to hear it, but the only long term solution is to start charging for every e-mail outside of your internal network (say, 0.1 cent a pop.) Something that won't hurt the big, serious companies much or the regular old users much, but will get the guys who are sending out millions at a time.

Lately my work has been inundated with those fake online greeting cards. First one supposedly came from my "relative." When that didn't work: Husband. I still didn't open them. Then they tried "partner" and finally "mate."

I was waiting for one from: Adulterous lover.

I was reminded of that old Land Shark Saturday Night Live sketch.

Woman: [not opening the door] Yes?
Voice: (mumbling) Mrs. Arlsburgerhhh?
Woman: What?
Voice: (mumbling) Mrs. Johannesburrrr?
Woman: Who is it?
Voice: [pause] Flowers.
Woman: Flowers? From whom?
Voice: [long pause] Plumber, ma'am.
Woman: I don't need a plumber. You're that clever shark, aren't you?
Voice: [pause] Candygram.
Woman: Candygram, my foot. Get out of here before I call the proper authorities. You're the shark, and you know it.
Voice: I'm only a harmless dolphin...
Woman: A dolphin? Well...okay. [opens door]

Apparently they think I will eventually open the door or give my credit card information to the Fourth of Fifth Bank, want a m0rtgag3 or to please sexy midget tonight.

Spammers should be drawn and quartered or put under a sharp swinging pedulum or walled in alive (channeling Poe).

You got that right, Catracks. I get those "you got a greeting card from a [relative]" spams, too. The funny thing is, it is the attempted personalized hook that tipped me off. If I had just received a message saying I got an e-card, I might even have taken a look (although I shouldn't). If it had included my wife's name, I probably would have. But how would the orginating web page know my card was from "a relative"? Did the supposed sender supposedly pick from a drop-down list: "relative", "spouse", "friend", "hot date", etc?

Fortunato: "For the love of God, Montresor"