The State is telling us, again, to prepare for DISASTER. It's called the Code Ready program. Don’t worry, don’t panic, but just in case something happens, be prepared to sit in the basement eating cold beans while civilized society comes to a shuddering, agonizing end. Have a wind-up radio so you can get instructions and drown out the screams. You’re supposed to have duct tape and plastic sheets, which makes it sound like you’re going to spend the crisis as a serial killer trying to get rid of the bodies. I don’t think we’ll see people looting Plastic Sheets ‘n’ Things if the bird flu strikes. The grocery store? Maybe.
I’m ready. I actually have emergency provisions. I have a combination radio-flashlight-alarm-thing; so what if it has the Batman logo on the side? I have spare batteries, Sterno (regular and bold mesquite flavor), enough “personal wipes” to accommodate a dysenteric Jolly Green Giant, waterproof matches, fireproof water, etc. Food? Sure. Dried coffee, dried tuna, dried potatoes, Creamette in all its lovely shapes, pounds of salt-soaked Buddig lunch meat, which contains 100% of your daily requirement of thinly-shaved vinyl, and those cheddar-cheese crackers with peanut-butter filling which never expire, because they’re made out of sawdust and colored tub caulk.
But I can ‘t do the water. The state wants us to put away 120 gallons of bottled water. Sorry. If we’re quarantined, we’ll have to get by on soda and stuff from the toilet tank. (I can imagine the dog’s reaction: okay, so now it’s okay to drink from the toilet? Your hypocrisy disgusts me.) I tried to hoard water; really I did. Every time I went to Target I’d pick up a gallon, and store it in the garage. Over the winter half of the jugs froze, expanded, melted, and leaked 10 gallons of water, ruining the emergency supplies stored on the shelf below. The jugs that didn’t leak will expire in Nov. 2007. Apparently bottled water expires. I had no idea. It breaks down into anti-water, or something. Don't drink that! It's expired water! It'll suck the fluids right out of you!
I’ll make the state a deal: I’ll put away 120 gallons, but only if you promise society will collapse before it expires.
Are you ready? I’m guessing No, at least in the water department.


Cereal!
I like Cream of Wheat but there are NOT too many cereals I don't like. One of my favorites that came and went within a year or two back in the early 70's was called 'Mr. Wonderfull's Surprize'. It came in two flavors: chocolate & vanilla. My best friend's mom worked at General Mills and she brought home samples. I was hooked. Not hard to become hooked on little round crunchy puffs filled with frosting. Down in Arizona in the summer of Pink Floyd's 'The Dark Side of the Moon', my friends and I went through 13 boxes of them within a 2-week period. When they were discontinued, I heard it was due to the misspelling of the title.
("It teaches kids that it's ok to spell incorrectly!") I think incorrect eating habits have cost our society more. Good eating habits are caught & not taught and I'm still working on overcoming several sticky ones. Cereal is still a weakness for me and I have to be careful what I buy. Lucky Charms are very unlucky for me. Did I misspell 'misspell'?