I'm not saying this is the last week of buzz.mn; I'm just saying it could be. That's all.

So: name this town!

Oh Tom I TOLD YOU. Go HERE for the Sunday strip, complete with clue-emphasizing colorization. (Had to be done.) 

Our long drought is over: finally, someone’s done his part for Miscreant Round-up! Makes up for otherwise slim pickings:

“Theft. Police were called to Coborn's Superstore, 7900 Sunwood Drive NW., in regards to a theft. A man had shoved steaks down his pants and left the store. He was last seen getting into a vehicle.”

Carefully and slowly, as though a T-bone was jutting into his femoral artery.
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Oh, great. This is my mall. Wonder which part and what time:

"Robbery. A man reported that he was talking on his cell phone as he was leaving Southdale Center when several males knocked him to the ground and stole his wallet and cell phone, police said.

Maybe east side after closing. That part of town gets raw.

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I can see 5:50 AM, and maybe 6:50 if it’s a Saturday, but ten to nine? Dude:
“Disturbance. A man called police because his neighbor had threatened to beat him up when the man mowed his lawn on the 300 block of 17th Avenue N. at approximately 8:50 a.m.”
Every neighborhood has someone who’s up with the chickens, getting things done, because daylight is burning. But simple human decency demands that no one operate a leaf-blower until ten AM, at least, and if you’re one of those souls who thinks that decent people shouldn’t be abed at that hour, and industrious people shouldn’t be kept from moving around grass clippers with the use of machines specifically designed to enflame with hatred everyone except the person using them, well, aren’t you the one. Leaf-blowers are the worst for two reasons: the pitch, and the constant up-and-down oscillation of the motor. They’re like enormous drunken mosquitos.   Read more...

Here's this week in Minnesota history, as conveniently compiled by the fine Book of Days, and shamelessly hoovered up here for more than a fifth of a decade:

"1869: Norwegian newspaperman Paul Hjelm-Hansen leaves Alexandria to travel to the Red River by oxcart. Hjelm-Hansen had been hired by the State Board of Immigration to publicize the advantages of settling in western Minnesota. His letters, published in a number of Norwegian newspapers, encourage many emigrants to settle here."

Wonder what he said. Wonder if anyone showed up wondering where the giant flocks of gold-laying geese were. It’s interesting to note that they wanted people to settle in Western Minnesota; for some reason, I think of the state in terms of north, south, and central, not east and west. But in the frontier days, you’d think in terms of Here, and the great Western Beyond.

Monday is the anniversary of history most ancient, at least in Midwestern terms:

1787: Congress passes the Northwest Ordinance. Authored by Thomas Jefferson, it set up the rules of government for the Northwest Territory of the United States, which included present-day Minnesota east of the Mississippi River. Slavery was outlawed, the land was to be surveyed into townships, and each township was to set aside land for a school. In addition, the ordinance stated that "the utmost good faith shall always be observed toward the Indians, their land and property.”

When I was growing up, there was land near my grandparent’s farm they called the “school-land,” and I never knew what it meant. If I recall correctly, the local school wasn’t on the school-land, which may have produced the confusion.  Now I know. It was a remarkable act, when you think about it  - the slavery ban, the surveys in advance of growth and settlement, the need for education.  

I suspect Jefferson would have loved SimCity.   Read more...

Another template-busting Sunday strip. As much as we hate to taunt the template this way, and make it feel inadequate for having such a narrow option for the text field, well, its days are numbered. Very extremely numbered. It's possible the end will come by the end of the month - which is only 11 months after the last time I saw it was all over, I know. But this time we mean it. 

I hope. Anyway; here's the big Sunday strip.  I'm still trying to figure out the events that led up to the last panel. That's some quality lawyering, Lou. 

It’s the weekly survey of small-town websites, and I expect it will bring the usual gentle chiding: they’re not for the outside world! They’re for residents. I disagree, and so do most of the people who set up the sites, it seems - they’re constantly touting the town’s advantages to draw investment and residents. If so, then they need to show up in Sunday best, no? Otherwise it’s like showing up for a job interview in a thrift-store suit.

This week it’s Pine County. First stop: Hinckley, also known as “Halfway to Duluth” to those in the Cities, and “Halfway to the Cities” to those in Duluth. Hinckley’s known two things: the Fire, and the Caramel Rolls at Tobie’s, and the site realizes the importance of each.

Could be prettier, though.  It’s a 2004-era site that takes advantage of wider monitors, but  . . . well, some advice.  Avoid setting everything in italics. Avoid the gradient text-tool. If you’re going to use tables to ensure proper spacing - and believe me, I do it all the time to the contempt of many - set the border to 0. As for the program that lets you make that “John Kay & Steppenwolf” banner? Think of it as a rabid badger trapped in a culvert. In other words, don’t go near it and leave it alone.

Now: can any town top Hinckley for the amount of info and web design? Let’s start with Bruno. Says wikipedia:

“Bruno is a very small town, intersected by MN State HWY 23. The town has three churches, a US Post Office, a gas station, volunteer fire department and a tavern. The Tavern offers limited food and drinks, but has recently added FREE Wifi, which is a huge plus as you aren't likely to find free Wifi north of North Branch until you hit Duluth. There is also a small park for travelers to park and rest with rustic restrooms and a well for fresh water. Bruno is home to Nemadji Research Corporation.”  Read more...

We begin Monday with this week in our history, from the indispensable Book of Days.

Yesterday was the anniversary of the arrival of the first passenger train in Fairmont. I wonder if anyone got off. Or on. They must have known it was coming, unless the tracks were laid at night and covered with brush to make it all a surprise. It takes a certain application of the imagination to wonder what the appearance of a train must have been like - in an era of isolation and slow change, the sight of the great beast chuffing its way towards town, smoke pouring from the stack, brakes squealing as it came to a shuddering halt - really, they had no analogue for this. It was utterly new. The people of Fairmont must have thought truly, 1973 is an age of wonders! Who knows what the 1980s will bring?

Kidding. It was 1876.

Minnesota’s first brewery opened on July 6, 1849. It was operated by “Bavarian immigrant Anthony Yoerg,” and that sounds like the perfect word for the results of excessive consumption. Dude yoerged all over the floor. You can find examples of the bottles here - the logo gives me a headache without drinking a drop, frankly; you can se what they were trying to do, but it keeps slipping away from you just as you think you have it.

July 8: last day for the Duluth streetcars, in 1939. Goons from GM and Standard Oil threw people off the streetcars, set them on fire, then danced around laughing and singing “The Mandatory Bus Polka,” which had no lyrics aside from a taunting sound, repeated at various octaves. No, that didn’t happen, but I’m sure some think it did. One of the Duluth streetcars ended up in Minneapolis - where it still operates to this day. Really. On rails and everything. In between its life here and Duluth, it spent some time as a lake cabin, of all things.

In other rail news: Mwahahahahah!

“1932: Carl F. Hirte sets up a homestead claim in the middle of St. Paul's Union Depot rail yard. Hirte had discovered that a nearly five-acre tract in the middle of the yard had never been claimed, and, in accordance with the Homestead Act, he builds a shack for housing. His attorney values the land at $1,000,000.”

He laid the Hirte on them. (Sorry.) I’m thinking this ended with his expulsion, and a check from the government in the amount of Get The Hell Out of Here and .00 cents.

Man, the rail history news just keeps coming:

“1975: The reassembly of steam engine 201—once operated by Casey Jones and the last of its kind in existence—is complete and ready for display on the grounds of the Owatonna Tool Company. Reuben Kaplan and his son, "Buzz," brought the engine from Peoria, and they would move the beautiful old Owatonna Union Depot building to the same site the following year.”

It’s a name that probably means little to people today, but between the song and the TV show, it had a long run.

Unfortunately, in this series, Casey hit a storm, got off course, and didn’t return to civilization for a very long time:  Read more...

Another Sunday strip, and I apologize for not cleaning it up as much as usual. You will admire the frank, shameful penitence of the last panel, though. 

Solution posted early this evening.  Good luck!

Your host is bedeviled by meetings and video shoots and column work today, so no time for Miscreant Roundup. Seems a good time to introduce a new feature, though: name that Minnesota Town! This feature ran in the Sunday color Tribune for years, and we're happy to bring it back - if only in black and white. Click on the thumb for template-busting full size. 

This week we head off to Dodge County - first up, it’s Dodge Center in Dodge County. So even when you get out of Dodge, you’re still in Dodge.

Logo? No. Slogan? Two: “A Solid Foundation,” and my favorite, “Stepping Toward the Future.” Sounds rather tentative. Picture of downtown: yes, and it’s the size of those salt packets you get at fast-food restaurants. Click on it, and it opens a new window that contains the entire main page. It seems rather desolate, as a whole; the news page hasn’t been updated since April.

You have to go to wikipedia to learn things about the town: “Dodge Center, Minnesota, is also the reported hometown of multi-personality ‘Sybil’. The locals can tell you where her childhood home is located. The real ‘Sybil,’ Shirley Ardell Mason, was born here in 1923 and graduated from Dodge Center High School in 1941.” Yes, she was the top three members of her class.

Sorry. 

This seems useful:

“Dodge Center is home to a man with one of the largest license plate collections in the world. He has been featured on TV and in news articles. This man can quote license plate numbers at will and the dates tabs expire on just about any townperson's car.”  

Let’s try Hayfield: “A sprawling community of 1300 residents.” Slogan? Yes: “Where people make progress.” Pictures? Well, there’s some shots of the pool, and the obligatory picture of City Hall. There’s a building that was renovated by Ham -Fisted Updates, Inc. - judging from the door on the left, probably in the 70s or early 80s. 
(Or beyond - that style of door had a long, long life.) It’s nice to have a picture of City Hall, and we understand their civic pride, but if someone’s just poking around the web looking for small-town color, the City Hall is down the list of things they care to see.   Read more...